Being Single !! A dichotomy...

Yeah really.....in my 34 years of a small stupid life, apart frm two instances...the first one for 7 months and the second one for 18 months....i haven't been with a woman in what u call a relationship...yeah surely there have been times whn i hav felt seriously attaracted / attached to a beautiful woman...but they cant technically be labelled as an affair....actually come to think of it, i find it a BIG misnomer...."relationship" cant necessarily be wit someone you are attached to romantically / sexually...it can be with any stranger u come across every day of ur goddamn life...the people who take the same metro as u r...the same security guard who greets u at the entrance of ur office gate...for me, it can be the different spot boys of different sets that i go to shoot...the different co actors ...etc....

My point in this posting is to analyse n evaluate the so called independence that i enjoy in my life (according to all my male and female frnds in a serious affair with a partner)....most of the films that i hav seen in my entire life has been by myself....which is kind strange to a lota ppl...but i have really enjoyed the fare....specially after moving to bby i found quite a few so called strange ppl like me sitting in a multiples screen by themselves , enjoying a film no less than others....i hav realised my approach of watching a film very very clinically and not frm a purely entertainment perspective...its been there since i took up my career seriously just after leaving my assignment with the TCS BPO....

When i look at all those friends of mine in a relationship...in a situation whn they r not with their partners, sulk as to how miserable life is for them being with a particular man / woman...how he/ she demands time /dictates likings , dislikings towards virtually everything...in short rule life..or rather its bad as whn ur life is taken over by some other individual...leaving very little of it to urself....i fail to understand why a partner tries to impose upon choices to their conterpart...why dont they understand its not an implication of their much "sworn-in-love".....funnily whn i think of relationships timed 30 years back, i see the same things used to happen without much revolt frm the women folk (which is so utterly unfair)....so, nothing much has changed....really....in the way men still throw their "so called" (silly) weight around....very very rarely i come across couples who in the absence of their partners cherish life and the journey that they are traversing with thier loved ones....rarely do i see men/ women discussing what sorta positive transformations they have undergone being with someone special....how they understand each other's silences ....how, even after having a long day at work, they wanna run back home and instead of crashing, share an amazing cuppa ginger tea on their windopw sil and break out in a steaming passionate love making session.....

The above might sound as if i am advocating "not-being-with-someone"....but then u gotta read further....

External seasonal pressures have highlighted my singledom more to me than my loneliness in a city like bombay....a very very consumerist / super mall attitude dominates the entire infrastructure in the city....wherever u go, there r flashy / glossy stuff thrown at ur face...all of which comes with a hefty price...Valentines day /Christmas / New year /Mother's Day / Father's Day /Friendship day /and sortsa days happen to be very succesfully marketed concepts that assure a good monet making opportunity for businessmen...ignoring this clinical root cause, most of the teenage couples and even the more matured ones are seen everywhere hand in hand goin on a shopping rampage....and these moments neither touch nor affect me.....

What does affect me are some crucial mundane moments of "just-with-myself"...either after a long shooting schedule /or immediately after waking up in the morning whn i'm makin my cuppa tea...or on weekends whn i gotta browse thru my ph book for the num i need to dial for a company....most of the times, i dont end up calling anyone...but sometimes i do feel like....a really sudden good news makes me depressed to no ends sometijmes, cuz i dont hav someone special to share it with....likewise something unpleasant...if u r tryin to tell me that family n parents do come handy in these situations, i quite not agree with that....there r moments in life ...there r situations in life which generate a particular feeling or urge in u which only that special someone can complement.....

I'm glad with life ..the way its shaping up for me...luckily i am still meeting very very interesting women who bring along a whole new perspective on myself and download that information on my psychic hard disc...it surprises me...makes me feel good....tells me that smart nice intelligent and beautiful women still find me interesting....and as such draws a nice paintbrush file in my mind...which is full of subtelity....full of underplayed shades....full of coy-ness and hints....nothing very obvious.....strangely, they r the ones who make me feel like spending monets without my usual mask, with them....without any fear, any reservations, any shame, any concious awareness of my flaws (how ever many they are).....hey..i like it....thats why i think women have always been the best news to ahve happened for MANKIND !!!

Okay..wake up now....

Cheers !!!!